im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Is Oprah even human
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
