I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
