LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
