I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
