Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
