Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
