He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
