so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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