So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
