Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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