Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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