If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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