If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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