just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize