So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
