I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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