It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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