I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
