I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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