i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
