who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you win again, gameday.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
