I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
