You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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