I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I want to fling myself into the sun
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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