Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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