Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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