It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
