i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How does it feel to date your dad?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
