I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
why do cheetos always look like penises
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
