My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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