I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize