Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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