First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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