honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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