hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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