I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
