Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
