I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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