I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
