its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
