I bet he comes in French.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
