the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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