doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
