Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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