I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize