Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
