oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
