Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize