Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize