whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
