sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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