Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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