lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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