I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
