Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize