i just wanna soil my oats bro
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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