Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
