Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
