Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
