laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
