My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
