I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
