All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
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