Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
