Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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