I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
