I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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